1. it'd be much appreciated if i got some feedback
prelims: it's an observation paper i wrote n it took me about a month with 6 different drafts not including brainstorm/prewrite.
tell me what you think.

There was a fondness toward him from everyone he had met; especially her. No one could explain the fire he had behind his eyes and inside of his heart. It was the same one she had been told she had only a year ago. It was as if her spark for life had died long ago. He made her feel more alive than ever. They had gotten along so well and so instantaneously. Usually a bond of such magnitude and love had to be especially cared for, like an exotic plant that could die at any moment if not constantly tended to. They had a passion for going fast. Not unlike the speeds that people would fly down the parkway. The speed reminded of the danger and trouble they could get in. They warned each other to never look back else their numerous pursuers would see their ‘baby faces’. No one could have caught them; it was impossible.

He had tasted of an exotic pear juice when their lips first intertwined. It was as if she was gliding down his throat. His flavor enveloped her entire being. The taste was fresh and crisp. She was inebriated. She could have sworn she was the fluid, so fresh, so clean, and so pure. The juice had spilled over his lips and dripped down his bare chest. The sweat of a hard day of doing seemingly nothing wrapped his body in a translucent sheet of rhinestones glimmering in the twilight. The rhinestones acted like the markers of time intervals on a diamond watch. It was then they knew that the night had just begun.

She had never known whose house they inhabited at the moment. Usually it was a random person’s house he had called ten minutes before they arrived. Just the warm musky odor of cigarette smoke filled the decaying, pieced together barn they happened to be at that night. The air in the open outdoor room was suffo***ing regardless of the ventilation. An amber liquid filled their large red plastic cups and spilled over the sides of the container. The drops of spilled fluid looked like precious gems as they fell to the ground. They were acquainted with the unpleasantly icy concrete floor. There was a brief moment when everything around her had stopped in her mind. She was anticipating a sharp resonance of shattering crystals onto the ground. Instead the rocks had poured into the crevasses of the cold stone floor.

The bass of the music that blasted like an atom bomb in the decrepit barn was in sync with her heart beat. She had felt in tune with everything around her except for the people. Her incomprehensiveness to the crowd was apparent when the amber liquor went straight to the back of her neck. The insignificant hairs on the back of her neck seemed very important now that they were standing up. She soon realized that he was behind her almost cradling her and breathing on her neck very faintly. The warmth of his breath seeped straight through to her spinal cord. She was perfumed with numerous types of smoke and alcohol. She couldn’t possibly have taken all of this in because her mind was so varied with the feelings of numbness and extreme sensitivity.

The energy of the crowd had winded down when they had reached their limits. Fortunately, the couple’s carriage had turned into a pumpkin. It was time for them to head home. They needed to get there fast, their time was almost up. There wasn’t a number for the speed they were going. In the car, the numbers on the speedometer looked like some ancient script long deceased. More likely, they did not want to know the speed. They had just wanted to feel the pressure on their bodies and feel their hearts palpitate.

When they had reached their destination, the lights were out. They had made it right on time. They only knew this house when it was consumed in shadows. The lights were always out. The power was there, the bulbs were screwed in and tightened, and all the right connections existed however, the lights were always out. The soft glow of the muted television set which was always on, greeted their entry through the poorly oiled screen door. The black leather couches loomed in the iridescent blue light of the television.

The night was immature but they did have an idea of where it was going. Exhausted and ravenous, they had climbed up the few steps there were to get to the kitchen and made themselves comfortable. She was sitting on the counter swinging her feet watching the ceiling fan gyrate in its constant rotating motion. She eventually leaped off of the counter and poured herself a glass of juice. The simple task of getting something to drink seemed to be elongated and in depth, though her movements were very quick and erratic. When he had finished with the food he prepared and devoured, he motioned her to the couches downstairs. The couches had pulled them into them as if they were magnetic and they collapsed into the seats and onto each other; worn out and eyes wandering, they waited for that night to become the night before.

I don't know whether to have sex with my wife, or go get something cold to drink. That was pretty good. Pretty descriptive. However, I could sense a little elongated effort to fill in the spaces .

Even though I've never met AO's W, I felt the same way.

It also needs illustrations

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Banned Before Bored

Sounds like a typical women, to tired to get laid.

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Must be at least 18 to enter

nah. i'm never too tired to get laid.
it's when it's not availabe when it helps.

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not over my,
not over my dead body baby
dead body baby.

When what's not available?

How can it help it fits not available?

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Banned Before Bored

1. the writing.
2. masterbation <3

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not over my,
not over my dead body baby
dead body baby.

So, when writing isn't available then you masturbate?

HIDE THE PENS AND PENCILS EVERYBODY!!

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Banned Before Bored