I got lucky - I only had to look for about 25 years. And what I found - other than an alcoholic (about which I had no illusions) - was the parent who really loved me. When I first saw him it was a magnificent moment in my life - and that cannot be taken away from me.

25 years is a long time

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ill have you know irl most look on me as a beacon of normalcy

Yes, it is. But the upside is that we had the chance to be with each other again. It was well worth the wait.

It's nice you have that kind of attitude..

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ill have you know irl most look on me as a beacon of normalcy

Yeah - getting to see him and getting to know him answered a lot of my questions and brought a lot of peace to my soul.

i can see that=i envy you- i really didnt have the guts to deal with dad before he died

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ill have you know irl most look on me as a beacon of normalcy

And "dealing" is part of the process of healing. My journey through this life has been a strange one - there's no question about that. It was good that I met him later in my life because I had already come to terms with a lot of stuff. I think the bottom line is that Daddy and I had a strong relationship early on in my life before it got destroyed. The original bond between us was never completely broken - just supressed. My 40th birthday was absolutely the worst of my entire life. He was dying and I couldn't physically be with him, but I could literally feel his life slipping away - I spent the entire day grieving and crying. He died about five minutes after midnight - the morning after my birthday.

it might sound harsh but fathers are way overrated-mine wasnt all that and it didnt matter much-i know a lot of folks with lousy fathers or absent fathers and it doesnt matter. all this "family" goop that goes on in this country leaves me nauseous..
im sorry you lost this person at such a critical time-i hope you dont take my idiopathic views as a personal affront-but the Church seems to target the family and nothing else and frankly it pisses me off-a lot of people who need counsel and support dont get it because of things that happened beyond their control-you yourself are probably an example of that..

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ill have you know irl most look on me as a beacon of normalcy

I do believe I could probably stand your hair on end with my story!

if you put it like that then probably

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ill have you know irl most look on me as a beacon of normalcy